Verse 18
When the great Tao is abandoned
charity and righteousness appear.
When intellectualism arises,
hypocrisy is close behind.
When there is strife in the family unit,
people talk about 'brotherly love'.
When the country falls into chaos
politicians talk about 'patriotism'.
--------------------------------
I have carried this card around me for several days now. And Nada, Nothing is coming up for me with this. Zero.
I wonder what this means. Certainly not that the words don't have any meaning for me; in fact it's probably just the opposite.
Thinking about it.
Ah, I believe that this is what is happening: I still haven't finished processing what I need to focus on from the past couple of verses. Every day I'm still falling off cliffs and tumbling through alternative worlds, with new and often surprising understandings arising. I think that I need to stay with this process and let it continue to flow and not go on to the next task until at some level this one is complete.
So I'm off to don my hard hat, as I have a sense that there are more cliffs on the horizon.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Torch Holder
Verse 17
The best leaders are those the people hardly know exist.
The next best is a leader who is loved and praised.
Next comes the one who is feared.
The worst one is the leader that is despised.
If you don't trust the people
they will become untrustworthy.
The best leaders value their words, and use them sparingly.
When she has accomplished her task,
The people say "Amazing.
We did it, all by ourselves!"
---------------------------------
I love this verse. It is one of my favorite ones so far. It is even possible that I am understanding a real aspect of what is being said; with some of these verses, I don't know if I am even scratching the surface!
For me, being a leader feels most satisfactory when I am actually following. It's exciting to be invited to join someone as they walk down into their deepest personal depths, and then to be given a flashlight to hold for them. I can follow them down and shine the light in the direction they seem to be heading, and maybe even shine it off to the side a bit once in awhile to illuminate a wider screen. When they see something that fits or resonates for them, they can grab it and it becomes theirs. As they own it, they can take responsibility for it, find it again if needed, and possibly go forth on their own next time, more confident in their ability to discover whatever their hearts and minds are yearning for.
I find that it is important, as the flashlight holder, to be aware of the distance from the seeker that is needed at any time. If I get too close, the beam is overly focused, and they can only see the spot where it is pointed. If I am too far behind, everything is too dim, and they can't see enough. If I am paying attention, I can stand just the right distance behind, and, when they make their choice, I can step up next to them and let the light produce even more clarity.
The best leaders are those the people hardly know exist.
The next best is a leader who is loved and praised.
Next comes the one who is feared.
The worst one is the leader that is despised.
If you don't trust the people
they will become untrustworthy.
The best leaders value their words, and use them sparingly.
When she has accomplished her task,
The people say "Amazing.
We did it, all by ourselves!"
---------------------------------
I love this verse. It is one of my favorite ones so far. It is even possible that I am understanding a real aspect of what is being said; with some of these verses, I don't know if I am even scratching the surface!
For me, being a leader feels most satisfactory when I am actually following. It's exciting to be invited to join someone as they walk down into their deepest personal depths, and then to be given a flashlight to hold for them. I can follow them down and shine the light in the direction they seem to be heading, and maybe even shine it off to the side a bit once in awhile to illuminate a wider screen. When they see something that fits or resonates for them, they can grab it and it becomes theirs. As they own it, they can take responsibility for it, find it again if needed, and possibly go forth on their own next time, more confident in their ability to discover whatever their hearts and minds are yearning for.
I find that it is important, as the flashlight holder, to be aware of the distance from the seeker that is needed at any time. If I get too close, the beam is overly focused, and they can only see the spot where it is pointed. If I am too far behind, everything is too dim, and they can't see enough. If I am paying attention, I can stand just the right distance behind, and, when they make their choice, I can step up next to them and let the light produce even more clarity.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Peace vs Ecstasy, Part 2
What does it mean when I feel like I am going down down down into my truth and even when it is taking me places that seem unknown and likely dangerous, if I simply keep going, and don't stop, don't try to control it or hide it or couch it in pretty words and actions, flush it fully all the way through, and, when it seems like I have come to a dangerous cliff that might take me somewhere I have protected myself against, on the chance that it might be too much or cause hurt or disappointment or loss of control, what if I simply stop for a second, breathe and let the energy force become love and infuse my entire body with it, what if I then continue and keep going and fall off that cliff and discover a new world whose doorway leads me to a place with opportunities and options that I have never even considered and they feel joyfully right and abundant and transforming and the danger is at bay and I bask in this new space and feel awash in light and I move around in it and get to know it and then I see another cliff and know that I must allow myself to fall off of it again, that I absolutely can't stop the momentum and again I feel the fear that it might lead me somewhere dangerous but that I only can fall into trusting that another brilliant world will be found when I again simply let the energy force totally envelope my body with love and again
fall?
Who will I be then?
Whom have I been until now?
fall?
Who will I be then?
Whom have I been until now?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Tranquility of Peace vs the Joy of Ecstasy
Verse 16
If you can empty your mind of all thoughts
your heart will embrace the tranquility of peace.
Watch the workings of all creation,
but contemplate their return to source.
All creatures in the universe
return to the point where they began.
Returning to the source is tranquility
because we submit to Heaven's mandate.
Returning to Heaven's mandate is called being constant.
Knowing the constant is called 'enlightenment'.
Not knowing the constant is the source of evil deeds
because we have no roots.
By knowing the constant we can accept things as they are.
By accepting things as they are, we become impartial.
By being impartial, we become one with Heaven.
By being one with Heaven, we become one with Tao.
By being one with Tao, we are no longer concerned about
losing our life because we know the Tao is constant
and we are one with Tao.
------------------------------------
These past several days I have had an infection, and being down with it has been an opportunity to reflect upon the messages and gifts that this malady has for me.
One huge gift came, in the form of a blaze of light. It was like a switch was flipped that illuminated all that had been encased in darkness for years.
I have manifested a certain behavior for much of my life that was formed in childhood and hasn't served me. Well, actually, there are lots of my behaviors that haven't served me, but one in particular has been a source of pain and grief for a long time, and I haven't been able to get a handle on it. Not only has it caused personal suffering, but also wounding for those who have been close to me. And I have been so caught up in the drama that I didn't have a complete picture of what was happening, and why.
Nor did it seem that I wanted to have the complete picture, as, in the midst of that suffering also came a deep sense of pleasure that I didn't want to give up. The pleasure was a rush that was soon followed by an even deeper rush of suffering. I imagine it might be similar to the high and crash that occur with drug or alcohol addiction, and I got a richer understanding of the drive to hold onto the behavior even when in some ways it was killing me and others in the process.
With this enlightenment, I understood more of what I had experienced in my youth, what my responses were, and why I developed my subsequent behaviors. It suddenly all made sense, although there are probably many more layers that I can't even see yet. But it was enough to give me some wisdom about the unconscious life paths that I chose.
With these new realizations in hand, along with the support and insight from a dear friend of mine, I have begun to see ways of dissolving these vestigial influences and clearing myself of their hold on me.
Pondering this next step of letting go brought up resistance. Giving up the suffering could also mean giving up that exquisite high that preceded it. My life recently has been so calm, so content. Did I really want to lose a source of a real high?
It seems apparent that it is imperative that I find another source that does not include suffering. But in a way, making that choice seems devastating, like letting go of a soulmate whom I am finally seeing as a batterer. What is it that I get from this behavior? What is it that is so precious that I am so willing to create so much pain?
Energy. That's it. The rush that I get feels like stolen energy. I become filled with a life force that I steal from the person with whom I am interacting, and they may feel some effect but probably often not even know why they might feel deflated when the interaction is finished. But I go on my way energized, feeling so much better, not even realizing that I have taken this precious entity from the other person. If I'm not in touch with my own energy source, and am scrambling to fill myself in any way that I can, how desperate it can make me to grab it, breathe it in and run.
This gives me much insight as to why it might be so difficult for a batterer to stop his pattern. How much more clearly can I see the soul of the person who might feel like they might perish without this energy rush, and how from sitting in this place of the most basic level of survival, we can't even begin yet to consider the havoc we are wreaking on those around us.
I am aware that what I am investigating is only the very tip of the iceberg. There is so much more. But tonight I will let that go, and continue to peer into my own past, forgive myself for the battering I have done to myself and others, and start to search for my own methods of energy so that I never have to steal again.
If you can empty your mind of all thoughts
your heart will embrace the tranquility of peace.
Watch the workings of all creation,
but contemplate their return to source.
All creatures in the universe
return to the point where they began.
Returning to the source is tranquility
because we submit to Heaven's mandate.
Returning to Heaven's mandate is called being constant.
Knowing the constant is called 'enlightenment'.
Not knowing the constant is the source of evil deeds
because we have no roots.
By knowing the constant we can accept things as they are.
By accepting things as they are, we become impartial.
By being impartial, we become one with Heaven.
By being one with Heaven, we become one with Tao.
By being one with Tao, we are no longer concerned about
losing our life because we know the Tao is constant
and we are one with Tao.
------------------------------------
These past several days I have had an infection, and being down with it has been an opportunity to reflect upon the messages and gifts that this malady has for me.
One huge gift came, in the form of a blaze of light. It was like a switch was flipped that illuminated all that had been encased in darkness for years.
I have manifested a certain behavior for much of my life that was formed in childhood and hasn't served me. Well, actually, there are lots of my behaviors that haven't served me, but one in particular has been a source of pain and grief for a long time, and I haven't been able to get a handle on it. Not only has it caused personal suffering, but also wounding for those who have been close to me. And I have been so caught up in the drama that I didn't have a complete picture of what was happening, and why.
Nor did it seem that I wanted to have the complete picture, as, in the midst of that suffering also came a deep sense of pleasure that I didn't want to give up. The pleasure was a rush that was soon followed by an even deeper rush of suffering. I imagine it might be similar to the high and crash that occur with drug or alcohol addiction, and I got a richer understanding of the drive to hold onto the behavior even when in some ways it was killing me and others in the process.
With this enlightenment, I understood more of what I had experienced in my youth, what my responses were, and why I developed my subsequent behaviors. It suddenly all made sense, although there are probably many more layers that I can't even see yet. But it was enough to give me some wisdom about the unconscious life paths that I chose.
With these new realizations in hand, along with the support and insight from a dear friend of mine, I have begun to see ways of dissolving these vestigial influences and clearing myself of their hold on me.
Pondering this next step of letting go brought up resistance. Giving up the suffering could also mean giving up that exquisite high that preceded it. My life recently has been so calm, so content. Did I really want to lose a source of a real high?
It seems apparent that it is imperative that I find another source that does not include suffering. But in a way, making that choice seems devastating, like letting go of a soulmate whom I am finally seeing as a batterer. What is it that I get from this behavior? What is it that is so precious that I am so willing to create so much pain?
Energy. That's it. The rush that I get feels like stolen energy. I become filled with a life force that I steal from the person with whom I am interacting, and they may feel some effect but probably often not even know why they might feel deflated when the interaction is finished. But I go on my way energized, feeling so much better, not even realizing that I have taken this precious entity from the other person. If I'm not in touch with my own energy source, and am scrambling to fill myself in any way that I can, how desperate it can make me to grab it, breathe it in and run.
This gives me much insight as to why it might be so difficult for a batterer to stop his pattern. How much more clearly can I see the soul of the person who might feel like they might perish without this energy rush, and how from sitting in this place of the most basic level of survival, we can't even begin yet to consider the havoc we are wreaking on those around us.
I am aware that what I am investigating is only the very tip of the iceberg. There is so much more. But tonight I will let that go, and continue to peer into my own past, forgive myself for the battering I have done to myself and others, and start to search for my own methods of energy so that I never have to steal again.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Day Fifteen
Verse 15
The Sages of old were profound
and knew the ways of subtlety and discernment.
Their wisdom is beyond our comprehension.
Because their knowledge was so far superior
I can only give a poor description.
They were careful
as someone crossing a frozen stream in winter.
Alert as if surrounded on all sides by the enemy.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Whole as an uncarved block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Turbid as muddied water.
Who can be still
until their mud settles
and the water is cleared by itself?
Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?
The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
For only those who are not full are able to be used
which brings the feeling of completeness.
--------------------------------------
Today this verse contains the words that I most need to hear. A dear friend of mine is in deep emotional pain with his own shadow work. I believe that I have some good insights to share with him, ideas that might lessen his suffering, give him some direction, maybe enfuse him with some light. But the strong message I am getting is to let him be, to say nothing, to give him his space. To let him burn his own way to healing and purification.
Sometimes it feels right to share with others the insights that are coming up for me. Sometimes it feels like I need to remain quiet. If I can get out of my own egoic "I believe that I can help you!" way, I can listen and know what is right in each instance. "Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?" This needs to be my mantra when I feel the desire to 'help' bubbling up in my being. If I really pay attention, and focus not on my own needs, but on the true needs of the other, my choice becomes clear. If the other person does not express his or her desires, I can tune into my own inner wisdom and ask, what would most serve in this instance? For, even if I say nothing, I am still being of service, as I allow the alchemy to occur in a way that most suits the individual's time and space, which is certainly way beyond my own understanding.
So, for today, I will send love to this man's spirit, and let him go, focusing instead on spending the upcoming hours letting my own mud settle, and swimming in my own clearing waters.
The Sages of old were profound
and knew the ways of subtlety and discernment.
Their wisdom is beyond our comprehension.
Because their knowledge was so far superior
I can only give a poor description.
They were careful
as someone crossing a frozen stream in winter.
Alert as if surrounded on all sides by the enemy.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Whole as an uncarved block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Turbid as muddied water.
Who can be still
until their mud settles
and the water is cleared by itself?
Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?
The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
For only those who are not full are able to be used
which brings the feeling of completeness.
--------------------------------------
Today this verse contains the words that I most need to hear. A dear friend of mine is in deep emotional pain with his own shadow work. I believe that I have some good insights to share with him, ideas that might lessen his suffering, give him some direction, maybe enfuse him with some light. But the strong message I am getting is to let him be, to say nothing, to give him his space. To let him burn his own way to healing and purification.
Sometimes it feels right to share with others the insights that are coming up for me. Sometimes it feels like I need to remain quiet. If I can get out of my own egoic "I believe that I can help you!" way, I can listen and know what is right in each instance. "Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?" This needs to be my mantra when I feel the desire to 'help' bubbling up in my being. If I really pay attention, and focus not on my own needs, but on the true needs of the other, my choice becomes clear. If the other person does not express his or her desires, I can tune into my own inner wisdom and ask, what would most serve in this instance? For, even if I say nothing, I am still being of service, as I allow the alchemy to occur in a way that most suits the individual's time and space, which is certainly way beyond my own understanding.
So, for today, I will send love to this man's spirit, and let him go, focusing instead on spending the upcoming hours letting my own mud settle, and swimming in my own clearing waters.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Tao of the O?
Verse 14
Look for it, and it can't be seen.
Listen for it, and it can't be heard.
Grasp for it, and it can't be caught.
These three cannot be further described,
so we treat them as The One.
Its highest is not bright.
Its depths are not dark.
Unending, unnameable, it returns to nothingness.
Formless forms, and imageless images,
subtle, beyond all understanding.
Approach it and you will not see a beginning;
follow it and there will be no end.
When we grasp the Tao of the ancient ones,
we can use it to direct our life today.
To know the ancient origin of Tao:
this is the beginning of Wisdom.
-------------------------------
When I meditate on the first few stanzas of this verse, I get a mental image of my body floating in a vast empty space. The space can be dark or light, and it can be furnished with anything that I can imagine; it spreads out in all directions with no beginning or end. It can have any temperature, or no temperature at all. It can be a place of peace, or a place of indescribable terror. Since it can be anything, or nothing, how would I describe it?
The one word that comes to mind as a descriptor is presence. We have all experienced a level of presence at some time. You know that feeling? It is like you are truly there; nothing else is in your consciousness except for pure awareness. I can experience it when I am sitting in nature. I can experience it when I am sitting with a friend, and our sharing hearts and minds are open, and we just look into each others eyes. I especially can experience it when I have an orgasm. Talk about pure awareness! I can't even imagine thinking about tomorrow's tasks or worrying about something I said yesterday, when I am in the midst of the bliss of an orgasm.
This space of presence doesn't seem to typically be something that I can achieve with direct efforting (well, maybe except for that orgasm!) The more I work at it, the more I start getting into my head, and thus farther from its blissful state; like the verse says, Grasp for it, and it can't be caught. In some ways it seems like a gift of grace. But I also know that I can work to create space within myself that is available for this gift; as I shine light on my shadows and heal their origins, I empty my being and give myself more opportunities for manifestation.
The shadow work seems endless. Sometimes I think, Aren't I done yet? How much more can still be in there? But I have happily discovered that my commitment to continually peel the onion layers is enough to create dynamic shifts; I don't have to have completed all of the work to reap significant benefits. Simply being in the process can bring magic. Approach it and you will not see a beginning; follow it and there will be no end. I can just jump in and swim with the mysteries; while laughing, crying and bellowing, there will be perfection just in this beingness.
Look for it, and it can't be seen.
Listen for it, and it can't be heard.
Grasp for it, and it can't be caught.
These three cannot be further described,
so we treat them as The One.
Its highest is not bright.
Its depths are not dark.
Unending, unnameable, it returns to nothingness.
Formless forms, and imageless images,
subtle, beyond all understanding.
Approach it and you will not see a beginning;
follow it and there will be no end.
When we grasp the Tao of the ancient ones,
we can use it to direct our life today.
To know the ancient origin of Tao:
this is the beginning of Wisdom.
-------------------------------
When I meditate on the first few stanzas of this verse, I get a mental image of my body floating in a vast empty space. The space can be dark or light, and it can be furnished with anything that I can imagine; it spreads out in all directions with no beginning or end. It can have any temperature, or no temperature at all. It can be a place of peace, or a place of indescribable terror. Since it can be anything, or nothing, how would I describe it?
The one word that comes to mind as a descriptor is presence. We have all experienced a level of presence at some time. You know that feeling? It is like you are truly there; nothing else is in your consciousness except for pure awareness. I can experience it when I am sitting in nature. I can experience it when I am sitting with a friend, and our sharing hearts and minds are open, and we just look into each others eyes. I especially can experience it when I have an orgasm. Talk about pure awareness! I can't even imagine thinking about tomorrow's tasks or worrying about something I said yesterday, when I am in the midst of the bliss of an orgasm.
This space of presence doesn't seem to typically be something that I can achieve with direct efforting (well, maybe except for that orgasm!) The more I work at it, the more I start getting into my head, and thus farther from its blissful state; like the verse says, Grasp for it, and it can't be caught. In some ways it seems like a gift of grace. But I also know that I can work to create space within myself that is available for this gift; as I shine light on my shadows and heal their origins, I empty my being and give myself more opportunities for manifestation.
The shadow work seems endless. Sometimes I think, Aren't I done yet? How much more can still be in there? But I have happily discovered that my commitment to continually peel the onion layers is enough to create dynamic shifts; I don't have to have completed all of the work to reap significant benefits. Simply being in the process can bring magic. Approach it and you will not see a beginning; follow it and there will be no end. I can just jump in and swim with the mysteries; while laughing, crying and bellowing, there will be perfection just in this beingness.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Day Thirteen Revisited
The wrinkled and stained card called to me again today, so I decided to read Verse 13 again. And again. Two parts of it jumped out at me.
One.
Love the whole world as if it were yourself; then you will truly care for all things.
At first glance, this line makes sense. But upon further thought, I find that overall it just doesn't quite work for me.
If I loved the world as if it were myself, for most of my life I wouldn't be loving it very much. In fact, there would be too many occasions when I would despise it. Also, the more I find that I love myself, I naturally love the whole world too; there is no efforting in that task.
I'm probably just missing something in my interpretation.
Two.
Receiving favor and losing it both cause alarm.
What comes up for me here is the old adage I love about not ever taking anything personally. It feels so good when I can hear someone say something 'positive' about myself, or something 'negative' about myself, and neither comment has an impact on my equanimity. This reaction doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it feels good: grounded, solid and centered. It's not that I discount others' opinions; it's just that I allow them to be without having them impact my own state of mind. I don't have to shut myself down or become defensive when I hear a complaint or a judgment, or swell up when I receive a compliment. When I do, I do, but when I don't, it sure feels strong.
This also reminds me of something that happened yesterday. I spent many hours in the presence of someone who was in a very gloomy mood. I had been feeling great until that moment, but discovered that I almost immediately took on his mood. A sense of depression and gloom penetrated my own being. I could feel it happening, and wondered why in the world I was allowing it to affect me. It was a real challenge to pull myself out of it; it felt like a vortex was pulling me down, down, down into its center.
This reaction doesn't happen all of the time; sometimes I don't take on others' energy at all. After musing on the variance, I came up with this idea. My reaction seems to depend upon how the 'gloomer' handles it: he either tries to hold in all of the energy he is feeling and won't discuss it or let it flow, or he acknowledges it in some way, even with a few simple words. In the latter case, I can immediately honor his space and separate myself and let him be without taking the feelings on.
When the 'gloomer' is not outwardly expressing the sentiments, it feels like he creates a black hole energy field that draws me in like heavy gravity. But, when there is even the slightest outward movement involved, the flow breaks up the field and allows me to un-suck myself from this space. It is certainly a lesson for myself, to remember that when I begin to fall into my own inner darkness, to do whatever I can to proactively reach out and connect in even a small way, so as to diffuse the darkness that I may be creating for others.
I imagine that this process may be more common for those who are introverted, and the inverse may be true for those who are more extroverted.
I wonder if anyone else has had the experience of this dynamic occurring in their lives? Does this resonate for you? Do you also notice that sometimes, when you are with someone who is in a down mood, that it can either feel contractive or expansive? I find that when the other person just seems to want to sit in his pain, and maybe even bring others down into his sinking orbit, that I often want to run away. However, if the person is experiencing the pain with a larger goal of healing it, I can feel the difference, and am more likely to stay present and supportive to the process.
One.
Love the whole world as if it were yourself; then you will truly care for all things.
At first glance, this line makes sense. But upon further thought, I find that overall it just doesn't quite work for me.
If I loved the world as if it were myself, for most of my life I wouldn't be loving it very much. In fact, there would be too many occasions when I would despise it. Also, the more I find that I love myself, I naturally love the whole world too; there is no efforting in that task.
I'm probably just missing something in my interpretation.
Two.
Receiving favor and losing it both cause alarm.
What comes up for me here is the old adage I love about not ever taking anything personally. It feels so good when I can hear someone say something 'positive' about myself, or something 'negative' about myself, and neither comment has an impact on my equanimity. This reaction doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it feels good: grounded, solid and centered. It's not that I discount others' opinions; it's just that I allow them to be without having them impact my own state of mind. I don't have to shut myself down or become defensive when I hear a complaint or a judgment, or swell up when I receive a compliment. When I do, I do, but when I don't, it sure feels strong.
This also reminds me of something that happened yesterday. I spent many hours in the presence of someone who was in a very gloomy mood. I had been feeling great until that moment, but discovered that I almost immediately took on his mood. A sense of depression and gloom penetrated my own being. I could feel it happening, and wondered why in the world I was allowing it to affect me. It was a real challenge to pull myself out of it; it felt like a vortex was pulling me down, down, down into its center.
This reaction doesn't happen all of the time; sometimes I don't take on others' energy at all. After musing on the variance, I came up with this idea. My reaction seems to depend upon how the 'gloomer' handles it: he either tries to hold in all of the energy he is feeling and won't discuss it or let it flow, or he acknowledges it in some way, even with a few simple words. In the latter case, I can immediately honor his space and separate myself and let him be without taking the feelings on.
When the 'gloomer' is not outwardly expressing the sentiments, it feels like he creates a black hole energy field that draws me in like heavy gravity. But, when there is even the slightest outward movement involved, the flow breaks up the field and allows me to un-suck myself from this space. It is certainly a lesson for myself, to remember that when I begin to fall into my own inner darkness, to do whatever I can to proactively reach out and connect in even a small way, so as to diffuse the darkness that I may be creating for others.
I imagine that this process may be more common for those who are introverted, and the inverse may be true for those who are more extroverted.
I wonder if anyone else has had the experience of this dynamic occurring in their lives? Does this resonate for you? Do you also notice that sometimes, when you are with someone who is in a down mood, that it can either feel contractive or expansive? I find that when the other person just seems to want to sit in his pain, and maybe even bring others down into his sinking orbit, that I often want to run away. However, if the person is experiencing the pain with a larger goal of healing it, I can feel the difference, and am more likely to stay present and supportive to the process.
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