Emptiness

Verse 11

Thirty spokes are joined together in a wheel,
but it is the center hole
that allows the wheel to function.

We mold clay into a pot,
but it is the emptiness inside
that makes the vessel useful.

We fashion wood for a house,
but it is the emptiness inside
that makes it livable.

We work with the substantial,
but the emptiness is wha we use.
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Surely, emptiness seems to be a common theme amongst most of these verses. Today I will meditate and focus only on the word emptiness and see where it leads.

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This weekend I am attending a women's shadow expression workshop. What is a 'shadow'? For me it is an aspect of my psyche that unconsciously affects my responses to life experiences. Some shadows I am aware of, and others I am not aware of, but their unhealed existence wreaks havoc with my equanimity.

I remember the first time I did some serious shadow investigation of my own. I rented a small cottage on some monastic grounds in the Silicon Valley hills for two weeks. For this solitary journey, I packed a bunch of food, some journals, a book, and lots of tissues. The first few days I focused on what my shadows might be. To uncover their existence, I decided to write down every single personality trait, behavior and attitude that annoyed the heck out of me about other people. Embarrassingly, the list was longer than I would have guessed. I then went back to each line item and investigated how every one reflected an aspect of my own shadow. For, I figured, I wouldn't have a charge about a trait if it wasn't a part of my own univestigated self.

Oh, my. This process was not pretty. I did not want to see the truths in what I was perceiving. I wanted all of these behaviors and traits to be someone else's undeveloped issues, not my own! I did not want to see, for example, that when I was mad or hurt at someone else stepping on my boundaries, it was I who was responsible and allowing this to happen. And on and on. I did lots of crying. Got really mad. I had to start giving up my victimhood, my martyrdom, my self-righteousness, my illusion of perfection and better-than. It was a painful process.

After spending some time working with this, I then needed to live the remainder of the two weeks with the beginnings of forgiveness and a deeper acceptance of myself and of others. By the end of the two weeks, I felt like I had gone to hell and back, but it was an amazingly healing process.

During the ensuing years, I have done more of this type of work, although not as intensely. This upcoming weekend is another opportunity to delve again into the depths. And, with these Tao verses, it is a wonderful reminder to come into it with an empty beginners mind.

So, what would it mean to come into this weekend retreat with an empty mind? Does it mean that I have to let go of my previous learnings? Does it mean that I need to empty myself of any wisdom that I have acquired over the years? The best answer for me is this visual: I sink down into my body and settle down into its warmth and depth, while allowing all of my thoughts to remain in my mind, knowing that I can access and tap into that wisdom whenever I choose. I can simply let myself be nestled in the arms of the inner Mother, while the women and I nurture and support each other during our journeys within.