Day Thirteen

Verse 13

Success is as dangerous as failure
and we are often our own worst enemy.

What does it mean that success is as dangerous as failure?
He who is superior is also someone's subordinate.
Receiving favor and losing it both cause alarm.
That is what is meant by success is as dangerous as failure.
What does it mean that we are often our own worst enemy?
The reason I have an enemy is because I have a "self".
If I no longer had a "self", I would no longer have an enemy.

Love the whole world as if it were yourself;
then you will truly care for all things.
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I have been carrying the card that has the verse written upon it for several days now. It is beginning to look bedraggled and water-stained. I read the words over and over, but a part of me refuses to endeavor to understand the deeper meaning of them. My head refuses to think about it at all. Is this happening to keep me from intellectualizing its content? Am I not wanting to see the deeper meaning that is a particular shadow for myself? Or am I just burned out and need a break from self-investigation?

It's likely a combination of all of these reasons, and likely more. I feel exhausted; maybe I'm working too hard on this process and need to learn how to simply just be with it without fighting it. But one thing does seem to be happening: it's like a veil has dropped from my eyes. I seem to be seeing more clearly the bigger picture of what is happening in my life, and also sometimes in the lives of others close to me. I seem to see the shadows lurking behind behaviors: desires, needs and fears that are behind manifested actions. It's like a doorway has opened to another dimension, and the easy clarity often shocks me. What I really like is that this deeper understanding gives me a gift of a richer sense of compassion for myself and for others.

Of course, this clarity is only my perception of the truth. Who knows what 'The Truth' is? As long as I don't try to force my own perceived insights on others, and use it as a source of more compassion and connection, does it really matter? Someday my goal is to sit in that compassionate space all of the time, without needing any understandings or background information to live it, but until then I'll take any segue I can find.